are you a loser? I am a LOSER!

EX: hey. sup? how ya doin'?

jeszieBoy: hey. not much. im good. how about ya?

EX: great. doin' good. :]

jeszieBoy: that's cool. uhm, u got a new one?

EX: what do you mean i got a new one?

jeszieBoy: i mean, new updates? about you. ya know.

EX: well nothin' really much. still the same.

jeszieBoy: cool. how about yer work?

EX: fine. just fine still kickin'.

jeszieBoy: good for you.

EX: hehe. yeah.

jeszieBoy: so..love life? who's the new one? :]

EX: that's negative, i heard you got a new one.

jeszieBoy: (smiled)

EX: i see. silence means yes.

jeszieBoy: naa. i wish i have. remember the day we broke up? you told me to go find better than you are.

EX: yea. i do remember. what's the problem with that? haven't found the better-than-me one yet?

jeszieBoy: well that's exactly the problem. how the heck will i find the better one if i've already let go of the best that i could possibly have? *sigh*

EX: jez..

jeszieBoy: naa. don't say word. i know what yer sayin'. i just know what yer sayin'

EX: *sigh*

jeszieBoy: ya know what, i could lie to everyone 'round me. but not to myself. never to myself. all this time i thought i got over you. but one day, i woke up. and i just told myself. i still love you. i still do.

EX: i don't know what to say jez.

jeszieBoy: hahahaha! you don't have to say anything. i just wanted you to know. just that. gotta go now. see ya whenever. lol bye. :]

♪ ♫ aking hiling sa mga bituwin na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin. ihiling kahit dumilim ang aking daan na tatahakin. patungo sa iyo. ♪ ♫

..jeszieBoy
..i wish i knew how to quit ya. geez. i'm such a freakin' LOSER!

Happy Birthday Lara!

It's officially BER-month! yay! Christmas is fast approaching. sweet aromatic smell of pine trees, ham, keso de bola, GIFTS! are already hitting my nares. and Christmas carols kept ringing on my ears. extra cool! but before we hit Christmas, let's first celebrate some birthdays! i love birthdays!

last September 3, i celebrated my 19th birthday, just so you know. unfortunately yes, i just turned a year older again. geez. i feel like I'm grunting now. lol. however, that's not the focal point of this post but of LARA's. so many people celebrating their birthday this month. LARA and I just happened to be two of them.

I couldn't think of anything else to give lara. she has everything. when i asked her, she just told me to give her something i don't usually do yet special. so i thought of doing this. :]

..jeszieBoy
..happy birthday LARA! to me, and to all who are celebrating their birthdays! it's a month-long celebration! yay! :]

back to the old times

It's been a while since I last updated my blog. i was damn preoccupied with so much school works and hospital works, perhaps. everything was pretty much on its proper place. school. work. friends. family. love life (one way though. conscience starting to knock me out) I could say that everything was doing just fine. until a song was produced to mess 'em all up. with just that single damn song, i was back to the old times.

Silent Sanctuary released their latest album last May 1, 2009 entitled "Mistaken for Granted" with their carrier single "Hiling". long before the album was released i was favorably informed about the song. i was mocked that the song was made for me. i mean people like me. I was in front of the line to purchase this masterpiece. when i got to play it, reading between the lines, my hypothalamus fathomed that the song was indeed, for me. it was my song.

When i first heard one of their songs "Ikaw Lamang" i immediately became a fan. after scanning through the rest of their songs back then i realized that these are just exactly the songs that i like. and since then, Silent Sanctuary has never disappointed me with their soft mellow repertoires.

I've been on LSS with "HILING" for sometime now. silly me would always listen to the song with some thoughts in the head. next thing i know, I'm teary eyed. so lame. and i must commend the video too! one of the bests actually. so here you go. let's listen to the song over and over again and share some sentiments. haha. Lol.

..jeszieBoy
..ipipikit ko ang aking mata dahil nais ka lamang mahagkan, nais ka lamang masilayan kahit alam kong tapos na, kahit alam kong wala ka na.

better late than never.

Last week i got to watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, the sixth installment movie of the Harry Potter series adopted from the novel written by JK Rowling. who is by the way my favorite fantasy author. ok, so is this some kind of a review or something? i dunno. maybe. since i don't really know how to make one. and not fond of making such. i just like to really comment on something that i like and enjoy. does that qualify?Lol.

Anyways, it was my second time to watch in Trinoma. I was goddam excited to watch it. because aside from the fact that I've long waited for this to really come out, I'd get to see my freakin' high school classmates as well. so it's like a reunion thingy. and it was just awesome. so there, i bought a gargantuan popcorn and enormous drink. the movie started at 11:30pm and ended at around 2:30 am. and i walked out the theater with so much disappointment in my heart. I was so brokenhearted.

ok, here's the thing. i know that we don't expect the director to include all the smallest details from the book. perhaps we might be forgetting what adopted means. but duuh? fool David Yates ruled out so much important details. im talking about highly relevant facts man. this movie was supposed to help people understand the connection between Harry and Voldemort. and it didn't. the horcrux was the whole idea of HBP but was completely left out. crucial memories in the pensive were excluded.

and crap! where were Tom's parents? Dumbledore's funeral? the new minister of magic? and the more-than-life battle between the dumbledore's army and death eaters! oh gosh. reminiscing that night when i watched the movie just makes me even harder to move on. this movie was almost 3hrs of crap. it was so damn boring. I expected so much from it. and i got almost nothing. i mean hella nothing.


..jeszieBoy
..i wanna apparate to JK and cry!

Iris

'ang lakas ng ulan.'

'oo nga. malamig. sa mga ganitong panahon mo maiisip na masarap ang may ka kiskisan ng balat.'

'kiskisan ng balat?'

'skin to skin.' sa maternal & child nursing, it promotes bonding sa mag ina.

'yea. whatever. pwede ba mag tanong?'

'diba nagtatanong ka na nga.'

'seryoso ako.'

'hehe. ano ba yun?'

'masaya ka ba?'

'saan?'

'sa piling niya.'

'masayahin akong tao. kahit sino, kahit nga emo napapatawa ko. pag napasaya ko sila, masaya na rin ako.'

'hindi mo nmn sinagot ang tanong ko.'

'sinagot ko.'

'pero hindi ung hinahanap kong sagot.'

'pero sinagot ko.'

'napapsaya mo nmn ba siya?'

'siguro. kami pa rin nmn eh.'

'eh sa relasyon niyo, masaya ka rin ba?'

'teka. sino ka ba? bakit ang dami mong tanong?'

'ewan ko. ito ang role ko eh. magtanong. at ang role mo, sumagot. kaya un lang ang dapat mong gawin.'

'huh?'

'eh sa relasyon niyo, masaya ka rin ba?'

'magkaiba pa ba un?'

'oo magkaiba pa un'

'bakit, pwede ko bang sabihing masaya ako sa relasyon namin pero hindi sa piling niya?'

'hindi. pero pwede mong sabihing masaya ka sa piling niya pero hindi sa relasyon niyo.'

*tango*

'mahal mo ba siya?'

*kuliglig*

'ah.. hindi'

'teka! wala akong sinasabing hindi. hindi pa kaya ako sumasagot.'

'un ang sabi ng kuliglig eh.'

'ano nmn ang kinalaman dito ng isang kuliglig? at paano mo nalaman na "hindi" yung sagot niya?'

'andami mo namang tanong eh. ako lang ang dapat na nagtatanong sa'yo.

'sino ka ba kasi?'

'sinabi ko na sa'yo. hindi ko rin alam. basta sumagot ka na lng. so hindi mo siya mahal.'

'mahal niya ako.'

'tingin mo sa pamamagitan niya matatakasan mo ang nakaraan mo?'

'siguro.'

'pero hindi mo siya mahal.'

'pero mahal niya ako.'

'ito ba ang gusto mo?'

'ito ang dapat kong gustuhin.'

'bakit?'

'dahil ito ang tama'

'at ang mali?'

'ang mali ay hindi dapat ginagawa.

'pero un ang gusto mo. dun ka masaya.'

'wala nmn akong sinasabing hindi ako masaya dito ah.'

'paano ka magiging masaya sa isang bagay na hindi mo gusto?'

*tingin sa malayo*

'...'

'...'

'mahirap ba?'

'ang alin?'

'ang sitwasyon mo nagun?'

'anong part ba ng situation ko ang tinutukoy mo?

'the whole part.'

*hingang malalim* 'sana ibang spermatozoon nalng ng tatay ko ang nag fertilize sa ovum ng nanay ko nung ginawa nila ako.'

'wala ka ngayon kung nagkaganun.'

'exactly.'

'...'

'...'

'sumigaw ka.'

'huh?'

'isigaw mo.'

'ang alin?'

'ang totoong nararamdaman mo.'

'bakit?'

'nakakagaan yun.'

'ayoko.'

'bakit?'

'mababasa niya.'

'oo nga pla. kahit tayong dalawa lang ang naguusap, maraming tao ang makakabasa nito.'

'teka, siguro nmn pwede mo na akong sagutin. sino ka ba?'

'hindi ko nga alam.'

'huh? pwede ba un?'

'bakit ikaw, kilala mo ba sarili mo?'

'ahh. hindi nga rin eh. sino ba ako?'

'lalong hindi ko alam.'

'bakit kasi wala tayong mga pangalan?'

'yun ang gusto niya eh.'

'nino?'

'ni jeszie. siya ang gumawa satin.'

'hindi kaya epitome nya tayo?'

'tayo? eh isa lang nmn siya.'

'so sino sa 'ting dalawa?'


...and i don't want the world to see me. co'z i don't think that they'd understand. when everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am...

hooy manong ang ingay ng radyo mooooo!!!


..jeszieBoy
..*hingang malalim*